is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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