Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
