I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
