She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am available for nakedness
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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