I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
