you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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