angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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