At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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