I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
