he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
