and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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