Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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