I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
