fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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