Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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