Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
