Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
