Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
