idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
