who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ugly people sure do ruin things
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
