thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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