I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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