he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
