you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
