Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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