Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
