you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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