So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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