Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
