you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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