You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
