I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
