It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm both gender and math confused
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
