he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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