I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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