The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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