Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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