I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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