I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
