i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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