i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
