also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
