i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
