he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
