I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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