They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it penis luge time yet?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
