I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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