i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she smelled like a LAN party
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
