I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
