First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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