i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
