The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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