And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
