Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
