but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
