good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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