I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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